Letter to Life (08)

Like a poor cat looking for someone to follow home, though its easy to love,
I always felt my love was stronger with everyone I came close to.


If I live my life with feeling and hard work, is this a skill? Do people admire
those that make a living exerting themselves in a kitchen or outside doing
manual labor? Not usually. And it’s those people (I believe) that don’t live
and –see- what ‘real’ life is.


To really experience it you have to see it from a lower level, with a humble
nature of understanding, from anothers perspective. These kinds of people I
get along with GREATLY. They see that any way you choose to work in this
world is a form of -worship and they respect you for that.


That is hard to come by in this day and age.


Here we are forced to re-think our idea of making a living, having a family and
knowing what decisions to make just based on what school puts us through.
The wrong efforts are put trying to mold others (children) into what they
(parents, teachers) want (wanted) for - themselves.


I saw how money makes a family communicate less. This is for many reasons;
the 'dad' or in some cases both parents are off working away so much that there
is less and less time focused on the children. Sometimes they are taken to day
care, maybe even sent to a boarding school.


Years go by and the burden of doing the same old job takes its toll. All they want
to do is come home and plug into something. And the children are left with a
fragmented view of love and life.


When children aren’t loved and encouraged to be themselves they end up not
having any direction. This is why you find the many young ones with cars,
clothes, and alcohol taking the lead in making them feel okay with themselves.


The only other alternative to this life is excelling in school or following in
their parents footsteps but this also causes them to lack personal identity
if they were never given the space to 'be their own self.'




When my family moved to Washington we were all close because we had been living
with my granddad in Montana. My mom wasn’t working, and dad was working in
Washington. We moved there to be closer. I was about six, Dad would read prayers
to us every evening and mom was there to talk with as usual.

My mom soon had to start working. And my dad started to go to school for his
masters. We were poor. and so at the end of the day, poor people like in many
countries become very close and do everything together.



My dad knew that he needed to support us and he knew what he loved to do.
So he became a family therapist and was always there when we needed him.
And when we were home and they were away, we all took care of each-other.

To this day I still make sure everyone is happy in the family.. My idea for marriage
was that my soul could shine in another and make the other happy even if we were
poor.


In truth, money can make many insecure, emotionally out of whack, tired..
lonely.. distant.. and it eventually can take away our spiritual life. It’s how
we use it that determines this and how attached we are to the physical world..


Many families forget how to show an -interest- in the things their children ‘like’
to do, they are raised to not see enough, and they aren't shown enough love
or affection which is due to the parents being too busy minded.


The process is flawed when we forget to show them our humanness by telling them
“I love you” or “you are doing a good job” and the big one, “I’m proud of you..”


If things aren’t ok it is really soothing to hear parents offering help and guidance.
That’s -how- parents show how much they care.

The family that does not express love does not flourish.

~:~ ~:~ ~:~ ~:~

It is dramatic and real. It can be profound confusion and an immense waste of
human energy and time. Yes, love can be the greatest distraction in life. But it
is so needed and holds the key to the future of humanity.


..Now with divorce becoming popular, this new life appeals to some because they
are released from a burden. As the wounds heal.


Is it you? Whose fault is who. What do they need, what do I need.. And then money,
family drama, wants, conflict of interests and other passions makes the union of
two souls pretty much impossible. And then we go back to where it all started –
when the love was in our hearts..


It seems that just when you are coming to this huge point of understanding,
this awakened time with the idea of so much change happening, that we are
given yet another test we still haven't passed.

All I was wanting was some kind of acknowledgment and maybe even a praise.
The support during those times would have really helped. I guess my choice of
work was not appealing though.



Well let me say what that has earned me ~ ~ ~

I got certified in digital media at Bates Technical College and have been
making short films and projects for over 10 years now.

I have had a excellent resume starting with my first job lasting four years and
then doing a year and a half of service where I learned many more skills by
working with lots of people, in maintenance, grounds keeping, working with
children, banquet catering.

I came home and worked in food service (and again around people, which
I love most)

To then becoming a prep cook where I learned an art form in the kitchen

Then becoming a barista and café manager in the great downtown Tacoma!

So I have never had problems with money. Never asked my parents for money,
always enjoyed a frugal life.

You can compose many questions to your self while learning who you are.


With new realizations that seem to be never ending..


Why.. cant.. it. be. simple.


You have to truly see into the persons heart. You have to have an emotional

and spiritually balanced connection for some time to have an answer.

We all must search the inner work that needs to be done. Many give up on love.
They will settle for safety and security but just know, that the materialistic
don't make progress. You have to get out of your house.


There are too many that store everything inside.. building many walls. When by
creating these walls we are only protecting the problem, creating pressure, and
insecurity.


There is no way to understanding life by storing up all the hurt you experienced.
There is no way of being able to find love unless you let go and wake up.


We all need to wake up to what love really is ~

A giving relationship
A forgiving heart
An open mind

One forgets to simply listen, after all one goes through,
Don't shut out the lights, don't slam doors,
Listen to your words, listen to their words,
And listen to the unspoken words,

The gift of the soul

The End